The past few months have been amazing, why? Because I have seen changes, I have seen the other side. I saw a lot of friendship, a lot of love. I saw disappointment. I saw my notions about people change. I saw myself doing a lot of work, so much work that I go to bed with a hundred things on my mind and get up with a thousand. I am in fear when I put myself to sleep and I can't think of anything but work when I get up the next morning. I saw more responsibility, I saw less competition. I saw success, I felt the fear of failure every second. I saw confusion within myself, I saw exhaustion. I saw myself doubting so much I have never felt worse before. Right now, I am thinking of work I have piled up for tomorrow. And you guessed it right, I am feeling miserable.
I have now seen so much ego in myself and others, that I am tired of it. Intelligent people give me looks, I think they are losers. Fools thought I was one, and if found it immensely funny that we think the same about each other.
I dont know about others, but I feel good about the multi-layered change in my life. I am not me anymore, I dont think like I thought before.
I realized that work gets done when you hold yourself responsible for it, it goes down the drain when you hold someone else responsible for it. So, do you take up all the work to yourself? No, give it to them, take up the responsibility. They screw up, you curse yourself.
Life has been difficult. Some one recently told me, dont work so much, you will burn out soon. I wish i could understand that, I have always feared losing the fire in myself. I keep myself working just because of that.
I also realized that I was quite a jerk sometimes, and I needed a break. And when I move towards a break, a message brings me a new problem.
Am I unhappy? Far from it... I am sane now. I am feeling exhausted, but I feel good.
First, there are those people who irritate me with their 'I did! I did' and 'Me! Me!' attitude. Claiming credit is one thing, climbing on it and capturing it is another. I don't understand one thing, are they so insecure that they have to go to that extent? Are they so unsure about their success? Are they so doubtful of their talents? Or are they simply desperate? When someone does something, then they will get what they deserve automatically. Overdoing it will only cause a reverse effect. Ask anything, discuss anything, and immediately comes the reply, "I! I! I!...", even before the matter has been discussed completely. Grrr...... Do they have words like 'you', 'others', and 'we' in their dictionary? Why is there always a reluctance to work as a team and take the credit as a team????...
The others are the jealous back biters. Bloody @#$%&%$#^@$%#$%#@&%#@&$# !!!!!
I do a bit of work that could be worth taking a bit of credit. Knowing myself, and experimenting with myself for the past year, i have noticed that credit follows me some way or the other, and even if I make very less noise about it, someone catches up. No, i am not a humble person. Very proud about myself. But I just don't go about blowing horns unless there is an ulterior, materialistic reason for the advantage of the teams I work with. But yeah, there is always someone behind my back, all jealous of what I am doing. What is even more infuriating is that they bitch about the work I do, and not me! Oh! For god sakes! Get a life people! Stop giving comments like "Oh, it looks like its his own team, it looks like he is doing everything."
OK, now, that was not bad. All the anger is out. Those guys can claim and blame and bitch their way to assumed glory, while I work my way to perfect individual glory. Peace.
and yeah! there are those people who think they 'know it all' and think that i think that i 'know it all'. They talk like they are on the top of the world......%^&*%^&*^&*.....ok, i ll stop here.....i should stop rantings and cribbings now. :)
Well coming to the first line of ma post, I saw a lot of love. Which did blow up my anger and frustration. Credit goes to the person!
