It is quite an irony that I am writing the post just before my semester exam. Been wanting to write this for a long time now, have been telling people all around I am coming up with this.
Very angry, highly frustrated. And it is all going to be vented out here.
I am sick and tired of people around me. This has happened before. Of course it has. Politics, ego, high-headed characters, jealousy, unhealthy competition, back biting, front biting, selfish foolishness, race for power instead of professionalism, desperately trying to take the credit.....uh..!!!! where do I start and where do I end it????
Yes, it happens everywhere. But trust me, I would not come with such shit in my blog unless I find it really INSANE and out of the world!
Most of the time, I doubt myself. It has always been this self doubt that has made me achieve the little I have in the past 19 years. I am talking about small achievements all of us have had, like a short term goal to surpass someone, or to learn something, or to do something new or help someone. Such achievements give me great pleasure, and it is the self doubt that has helped me a lot, because if you are answerable to yourself, you would not have to be answerable to anyone else. You know the truth, and when you accept it, you are out of complexities..
Recently, my self doubt has reaped some real good results. For one, I also realized that I am not living a complex life. Just few very close people who I give a shit about, and a whole lot of them at a safe distance, not too far, not too near. Far away not to get into all the bullshit and near enough to have a ball when you need to. I guess I am being selfish, but at least, I am not causing anyone any trouble. I am near enough to be there for one when one needs me.
Taking off from that self doubt, I recently encountered a fool's paradise. The heaven which is sought at by many, where people pretend to have fun, and live in miseries all day. Where people cling to each other while bitching behind their back, where people make claims in the air and prove things to themselves
Interestingly, the enemies of the fool's paradise are within. Each and every one of them is an enemy of one's self. They are so insecure and unsure. They have to get to the lowest levels in a cowardly manner to move ahead, and that too superficially. And hey, I am famous enough for people to plan to mug me now! Can you beat that?
And me, I am having fun, laughing my balls of. Peace, harmony, work, friends, love, and laughing my balls off by looking at them whenever I need the entertainment. A 90 to 150 degree turn gives me instant entertainment. People laugh so much and so meaninglessly that I am amazed. Someone tells me I don't know how to have fun........now, who was it?
